Kyle is doing good - he is still on CPAP of 6 and hangs out at 24% oxygen or so - today he was on 21% for some time on his tummy! He is doing good. He is eating 28 ccs of food now and digesting it well.
I am overwhelmed by the those that are not doing well or have not lived. another baby in Kyle's pod died the other night. I drove home and couldn't get her out of my mind. her or her family or the little boy before her and his family, or the little boy before him and his family, or the little boy before him and his family, or the little girl before him and her family. I not just typing - there are names that go with each of these. how can this keep happening.
there were more family members in the waiting room than I have ever seen up there. they came back 3 at a time as mom sat by here side. she laid on a pink blanket and had a white bunny with pink spots in the corner. in the other corner there was a book propped up that was titled "my book of bible stories" but it was written in spanish. they obviously love her.
his mom couldn't come much. I could never pretend to know the challenges she faced away from the NICU. when she did she would sit and talk to him through the incubator glass. As we left one night, she was coming in to say goodbye to him. this was the first and last time she would ever hold him. I will never forget her expression that night.
oh how this little boy was prayed for, begged for and he was a long awaited gift. I remember so much love and so much hurt on his mom's and dad's faces. So much joy the first day mom held him, I'll always remember the dad's smile as he walked by us to get his camera that day. She held him all the time. We begged God for him. begged.
He was term and mom and dad didn't know anything was wrong until he was taken from his mom's arms to come to the NICU. He went home... home... what we all long for. His dad screamed "glory to God" through every step. Every step! He claimed God's goodness, faithfulness, healing hand over his son, his family, my son and the whole life circumstance. this little boy did not live.
This little girl died before I got out of the hospital. I will always remember how she affected my husband.
how does this keep happening? I will forever cling to who I KNOW God is. like my friend breathed into me today... once you believe... you believe. and I do. but how can this keep happening.
when we first made kyle's site shauna was going to put a pic up of him. I was hesitant b/c I did not want people (and I quote) to be able to shed only one tear for my son and then turn around and do their dishes. as if he never existed. Shauna looked at me and said "Kelly... you do that every day." (you gotta love honesty!) she is right. I wanted people to be changed and moved by God AND to care enough to fight for him and pray for him. If they were not going to be then I did not want them to have the privilege to sit and watch my horror but do nothing and not even be changed. How often am I a spectator with my mouth gaped open at what the enemy dishes out or what the world brings (however you want to say it) I might even turn to my friend and use it as dinner conversation and then I go do my dishes and forget.
my horror now comes b/c I can not escape.
Dear God - please never let me forget. Even when my life lets me walk away from this pain and into joy. Never let me forget these people. these people that hurt. the people that you love. these people that need and hurt and ache for joy and hope and peace.
9 comments:
Kelly,
I am sure that I speak for many people when I say, I do go on about my daily life .... after checking on Kyle. It doesn't consume me like it does you and John, for obvious reasons.
I know without a doubt that Kyle is going to be fine. I still check on him several times a day and then go on about my business.
So many things in my daily life make me think of the Sherrill family.
When I walk past my refrigerator and see Kyle's photos, I pray for him and his family.
When I go to my hometown christian radio station and I see Kyle's name on the prayer list, I pray for him and his family.
When I see people I know on a daily basis and they ask me, "how's that baby doing", I pray for him and his family.
When I open my Bible and I read scripture that reminds me of the things your family is going through, I pray for Kyle and his family.
When I see my prayer list hanging on my kitchen cabinet, I pray for Kyle and his family.
When I wake in the night or first thing in the morning and I am praying, I lift up Kyle and his family in prayer.
Every time I go to church, we all pray for you and your family.
So you see, it doesn't consume me like it does you and John, but I think of the Sherrill family several times daily and pray for you all every time the Holy Spirit places you on my heart.
I pray for Kyle because I feel like he's a part of my family. Thank you so much for sharing your son, your family and your trials with me.
I pray because I know God answers prayers and I see the wonderful things that the Lord is doing in and through Kyle. Wow, we serve an awesome God.
Keep on clinging to what you know in your heart is true. The negative stuff isn't coming from God.
Still praying, still believing and still praying for continued growth and healing. Thank you Lord!!!
Candy Humber
I can only echo what Candy just said. I do not know her, but she spoke my thoughts.
Because of your honesty in sharing your life with us these past few months, my prayer life has forever changed.
I continue to pray many times a day for Kyle and you and John and Jadon and Jack and all those in the hospital who care for Kyle. And I continue to trust in the Great Physician and give Him all the praise and glory.
Kelly,
When I woke up this morning, a verse I had read a few days ago was so heavy on my heart with your name on it:
Malachi 3:2-3
2 But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness.
When I went back to find it, I found several more:
Daniel 11:35: Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.
1 Peter 1:7:
These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
You are being refined. John is being refined. Kyle is being refined. All of the families in the NICU are being refined. We are being refined, at different levels, depending on how close we get to the fire.
The last verse I found was this:
Revelation 3:18:
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Your faith is being proved genuine, sister. You've been buying the refined gold. You have not been selling out to the ways of the world. Your clothes are being bleached. You are buying into God's salve, and when this is all done, you will see His Glory.
It's been over a week since I could check this site... been snowed in with sick people over Christmas and am returning to the real world... and it strangely felt like coming home when I checked prayforkyle.com.
I love that. I love the family of God. I love technology that lets me hear your thoughts and heart cries from hours away at the wee hours of the morning. It means the WORLD to me.
We talked about your sweet son over Christmas... even my extended family is praying.
You are all so loved. You are all so prayed for. And not forgotten.
I pray peace that passes understanding would pour over you and cover your every thought - your every worry.
Your honesty and your pursuit of God and truth is inspiring and beautiful and challenging and I love you all so much for it.
I pray our faithful God would shine in that NICU. And that everyone would be bathed in His light.
Jen
Yes I agree w/ these comments. I read daily and pray for Kyle every night. I will never forget him but do go about my day. I think about him constantly and his friends in the pod. Wishing there was something I could do to help. You story has made my faith in God stronger than ever. Your pictures just help make that statement even stronger. So please don't stop sharing and don't think that we forget him/them as soon as we are done reading. You know your story has made me feel closer to you and your family more than ever, even though we live 2 houses away and never see you guys. Thank you for sharing and conveying many feelings and struggles we all have.
Keep strong - even when you feel you can't.
Dear Kelly, you & I are alike & yet so different...we both love the LORD, we are both women(female) & both are wives & we are both mothers...& we probably have lots of other significant character traits that make us "like"...Here is a big difference: I am 54 yrs old & my youngest is about to turn 19! You have a long way to go before you can say that!! :) it will be here in no time!!
You ache for your precious Kyle & went into your "mamma bear"-protective mode when you spoke of putting his info up (& pic) on the website for people to see & then walk away & go do the dishes. Funny b/c I have felt very much like that when I sent my son (Joshua) to boot camp 2yrs ago & then just last month hugged him good-bye as he went off to Iraq. People in our small group have prayer req's like: My daughter made a 97 on her test but really needs a 100 so she can be top of her class OR my son can't decide where to go to college - Stanford or Yale OR pray we sell our house so we can move to a larger & nicer one!!Oh here's one that gets me: "Gosh, everything is just fine with us- we're good."
I'm thinking: "HEY, people, do you know that my son is in IRAQ?? He's sleeping in a tent or on a cot or who-knows-where & he spent Christmas in Baghdad with NO mail or packages & exchanged a pack of lifesavers & chewing gum with other 22 yr old boys!!Do you think you could think a tiny bit outside of your world & see that there is more out there!!And if your world is "fine" how bout thinking of OTHERS!!!"
But then, as you said, we've all been there...feel a tiny heart tug when we hear a "sad story" but then turn around & go do our dishes. WELL, I at least recognize that & want change & beg God to help me change...I want to be changed!! I want to never forget the pain & aches & sorrows of others... For some yicky reason, pain seems to grow us closer to GOD & each other!!
And when I would tell everyone I could about tiny baby Kyle, I wanted them (expected them) to get up every morning & crank up the PC & want to know the latest update! I wanted others to pray for him all throughout their day like I found myself doing. But not always so. . . But I guess "that's life" - - but for those of us that felt a burden for Kyle & those that do remember my son & all of our soldiers serving our country, To God Be The Glory!!b/c HE pricked our hearts to remember & feel & pray!!
Kelly, I am still praying for Kyle & all of you! I'm only one but I believe there are lots of us that the Lord has chosen to walk this journey with you - & we will.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart with me...it has touched my heart! YOU are a blessing to me!
Hugs ~ GranMammy B
Barbie Weller - Mansfield
I continue to shed tears of joy as I read your blogs since the beginning of Kyles journey. I was one of those moms whose 23 weekers didn't make it. The twins were alive for no longer then 5 minutes. But reading the miracle God is doing in Kyles life is so amazing to me and I pray every day for you. I believe that you are going to be an amazing comfort and witness to all those other parents struggling in that NICU.
Thanks for your faith. Its so incredibly encouraging.
Sarah
Kelly,
I just wanted to let you know that I read your blog daily, but Kyle is always on my mind. Yes, I may do the dishes or laundry, but the Sherrill family is always in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that he will be healed and come home to live a happy and healthy life.
One day at a time is best and he is getting better!
You are in my thoughts and prayers~
Elyse Hahne
Kelly, your words have brought tears to my eyes - I can barely see to type. I can tell you that I feel closer to the Lord because of reading your blog every day - at least once. You are in my thought so many times throughout the day, and as one of your correspondents has said, I have people at my office asking about Kyle on a daily basis. Isn't it strange how we keep trying to figure out what God is doing? Why can't we just learn to ABIDE? Why can't we just let Him be God, acknowledging that we aren't? Please know that your transparency and authenticity in your journey speak volumes - not only about you and your family, but about the God you love. God has brought Kyle this far - and He will use every moment of his life to bring glory to Himself. That is His purpose - for you, for John, for Jadon and Jack, for Kyle - for ALL of us. Hang in there, girl.
Gail
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