out of the mouths of babes...

I really need to go through my video's so I have the video with the story - but John has been teaching jadon to ride a bike - with no training wheels - well the other night they were out working on it again and John came in and called me out there - jadon was holding up his bike and going to show me how he can get on it and going on his own... this part was hard to master.  His bike fell over and I was just waiting for him to throw himself down in frustration and want to quite. (jadon is such a perfectionist and has such high standards for himself.  if he does not attain them the can really crumble!)  anyway - I was worried that "crumble" was coming and IT DIDN'T.  He just shouted "it's okay mom..." as he picked his bike back up "It's just harder with out my dad by my side" ...

I almost BURST into tears. and of course john almost did too as he said "now.. that'll preach!"  and how right he was.  Jadon is constantly teaching me.  - jadon really was born to change the world.  He is a true leader.  I love being his mom and I can't imagine what he will do one day.  or what he will do just next year as he storms into public school!

And of course I must share jack's "out of the mouths of babe's" story....

today we were playing down at Zara's house - just one of the awesome neighbor's on our street. zara's mom and dad have 3 kiddos as well - zara and jadon are 2 months apart and have played since they were 1!  anyway, today they had the pool out, the picnic table, the sand box - the whole neighborhood was having a ball - about 8 kiddos in all.  and zara's mom had one of those air purifier/fans outside that look like a tall skinny cylinder with a grate over the front where the air comes out and control buttons on top.  (wow long story - but it will be worth it)

so today, in the middle of playing, jack walks up to it and starts to spout out his favorite mcDonalds order... then when no one spoke back :)  he says "hey.. we're hungry!"

this kid loves life  -  most everyday he impresses me with his amazing balance of strong willed and sensitive - but in everything he does his desire is to find JOY!  I love it.

and kyle for today - i think this pic tells all - between the pool, the pizza, the cupcake, the nap, the bike ride, and the favorite of the day - the sand box.....

Not sure if you can tell but the belly of his shirt and his feet are solid sand and he is sopping wet.  best of all - his shirt says "get a jump start of life"!  haha!  boy does that fit him!  the most significant think that came out of kyle's mouth today?..... sand, a bouncy ball, a leaf, pool water....

picture update...

Ann marie - these are for you!  and everyone else can enjoy them too...

Jadon and two of his best buds graduating from kindergarten.  Don't they look like little high schoolers!  I just can't believe how old he is getting.

You know when the house gets too quiet and you wonder what "they" are up to?  This is where I found kyle.  This is the boys art table in the play room.  A coveted area by kyle b/c he is not yet allowed free reign over the marker or crayon bucket!  So this is where I found him the other morning!

Jack - being a dragon at the pool.  If you look closely ...his goggles are upside down.  I LOVE IT!  Every night I make up a story for jack before he goes to bed and it is always about a dragon named jack and his adventures.  Jack always says "mommy, i'm not a jack dragon I'm a jack jack".  He also makes me pray for no monster, aliens or emergencies every night before he falls asleep!  too funny.  he gets the emergency thing b/c when jack shared a room with jadon I would say before I left and closed the door, "no getting out of bed" and Jadon - mr. prepared... would say - "what if I'm worried about monsters or there is an emergency".  So now jack thinks emergencies are the creatures that can come in his room at night!  IMAGINATION is jack's middle name!

This is Kyle getting his first hair cut.  He was so excited about the sucker that he kept opening his mouth wide to get more.  Not realizing that you had to close your mouth down to really taste it.  He finally got the hang of it!  and if you can see jack in the back ground - you will notice that he is wearing orange and has whiskers drawn in marker on his face.  He wanted to be a tiger that day....

Kyle and Daddy after a breathing treatment.

Kyle on the phone during a breathing treatment.  These were about 2 weeks of breathing treatments every 4 hours and then every 6 hours after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung and a bit of pneumonia.  He is all better now.

Jadon in the middle of his graduation performance!   One of the directors wrote a poem about each of the kids - jadon's talk about him being their leader... after it was over you could see jadon whispering down the line "bow... guys... bow... take a bow... it's over...."  too cute!  what a leader!

This picture just makes me smile - it gives me hope - not hope that kyle will be okay - kyle is so much more than okay - but just hope - the kind that moves us forward to tomorrow and then some - hope that allows us to pray, to care to worship, to love to teach... HOPE - and I pray that one day b/c of this picture in my mind I will pass hope to others.  These three boys, beautiful and perfect, amazing - love them so much!  (uh... and if you didn't notice - jack picked his clothes - a button up white shirt like jadon, and jean shorts rolled up 3 times.... nice.)

hope

i realized last night .... the questions was posed - how do you see God. one said - I bet you see him as a healer - b/c of what he has done in your life.

you would think so wouldn't you. I stewed on that really puzzled at why that was not my thought 18 months after my child who they said would not live - lived. and he is not just living - it is abundant. he is LIVING. so I thought who is he - and my reaction to my thought was. (I hate to even type it, but it is true). he is a betrayer. He has betrayed me. WHAT? WHY? HOW COULD I THINK THAT?

still stuck in my formula didn't work. somewhere along the way - I figured God out. No really - I did. (that's a joke) but I thought I had. my formula for fixing people, things, gaining blessing, living happy. Just rules for life. being a good wife, good mom, good friend, good godly person.

for some reason God decided to unveil this dirty horrific broken hurting desperate world to my eyes - all through a group of little babies and their hurt grieving wandering desperate parents. and i was one of them.

how did this happen. and how did I end up stuck with no formula - no God and so focus on this world and all the pain i had been missing - excuse me - ignoring - for 33 years.

some one suggested last night that yes - I may feeling like i am shouting my hopes up to the sky - no matter where I am shouting them - without God ... there is not even a hope of them being heard. then I realized maybe the big deal is not defining exactly who god is before I can trust him - maybe the big deal is that with out him there is no hope. none.

it is like my focus is just off. maybe the point is not how it all comes out but that he is there. he is there through all of it. he is with us. he promises not to leave us. maybe this is the point.

I am living in a shock that people hurt -all over, everywhere there are people bearing hurt that I could never fathom or live through. how will they live, how will they breathe, how will it all be okay? it is an overwhelming question to my heart.

Hope. could that be the answer? b/c he is there we have hope?

Kyle at home...

Kyle is home, but still sick. Kelly is having to keep him upright because everytime she lays him down, he throws up, so she is trying to keep him hydrated and then, keep it in him! He is still pretty sick, but he is home. Kelly was asking people to pray that his fever would break for good, and not go higher again. He needs to keep drinking and eating,... so pray that his little appetite comes back! Also, pray for Kelly as she is very tired. I am in Nashville, left the day before Kyle woke up so sick. I hate being away right now while Kyle is sick but,... here I am blogging from nashville while poor kelly is going on hour 20 something of holding Kyle... she is an incredible mom! Pray for the other dudes at the house too,... Jadon and Jack as they are having to sacrifice some of mom's time right now... they have DeeDee and pops to help them stay occupied,... but are ready for Dad to be home, mom to play and Kyle to be well I am sure! The Sherrill life is as chaotic as ever, but we would have it no other way,... God is at work... even through the trials of sickness...

Please keep praying for all of this!!!!

thanks so much!

Please keep praying.

3:30 am... Kyle is a bit acidocic (not sure how to spell that). He is not weaning from the oxygen either. He was doing good till about 11:30. He was down to .5 liters and staying 95 & 96. Tonight he started requiring more oxygen. He is at 2 liters now, still sating low 90s, and respiratory rate is high. Just had more blood drawn to check levels. Please pray for good results- not to be acididic and for Kyle to be able to wean some on the oxygen.

Please pray for Kyle

In my true perfectionistic thinker mode I was waiting to get the video of Kyle walking from my flip to my computer before my next post. And for anyone reading I am secretly hoping you are right now so excited that Kyle is walking that you have forgotten that I have not posted in 5 weeks!!!! :) I am posting tonight though bc I would love your prayers. Kyle is at Children's Memorial Hermann Hospital again today. We came tithe ER this (Saturday) am bc of congestion, fever, lethargic, and vomiting. I know... Yikes! We tested negative for flu and RSV. He has some respiratory virus was pretty dehydrated and really just needs support to get through it. He can't keep his sats up without the oxygen and breathing treatments. He has been admitted and right now is finally asleep. He has 2 hours before his next exam and treatment. That is great though he has not slept more than 20 min all day. He is exhausted. The IVs of today have been rough- any time someone in black scrubs (the ER) scrubs walks in his lip falls to the floor and the giant alligator tears start! Please pray that his lungs will recover quickly. Please pray for his fever to subside and the congestion too. His heart rate and breathing to return to normal levels and his oxygen exchange to get better too. And pray for me too if you will. It has been a trying week and a hard day. I'm really tired.

I'm sure I just botched all the medical words. Kind of nice that some of that lingo is becoming a memory. Thank you for praying.

Oh! I almost forgot. Kyle has this one good hour or so right after tylenol and a breathing treatment that he gets more chipper. He will a tually sit up in my lap or play with toy. and in true Kyle fashion one of his Favorite (and mine too) came to see us and Kyle waved bye for the first time to her!!!! What an angel!

Quick post - A very cool and very important :) person at Hermann emailed to check on kyle today since his surgery and I was updating him on kyle.  This has been such an exciting week - and really needed - last week I was feeling really discouraged about kyle's developmental progress - you know it seems like he waits until he has us all in an uproar and then he just lets out with these huge leaps and bounds in growth!  here is a piece of my email.

Kyle is very heavy in therapy right now so it feels like we are working very hard.  But - you need to walk up to the NICU today and give a hug to everyone in there that fought so hard for kyle (I am getting to the why!!!!)   do you remember those days in November when it was so grim - kyle's brain bleed had gotten worse.... all the way to a grade 3 IVH.  But no one gave up - even when I felt like I had to as a mom - no one gave up.

Kyle started saying words this week!  WORDS - and he is only 13 months corrected.  He says "cookie".  I think most 23 weekers that survive have severe feeding issues and Kyle, a CMHH NICU grad! :) , says "COOKIE"  .... sounds more like "too - ckie"  and he also started saying "outside" today.  One of our (doctors and therapists) biggest fears for kyle due to his brain injury has been motor planning.  being able to carry out a desired action the way he needs too.  Today we had all the neighbor hood kids over in the back yard (yes we are still in isolation!) with Kyle's big brother's and when he heard them out there playing - he crawled over to the door and pulled himself up and stood on his tip toes to get his fingertips on the door knob and I said - "do you want to go outside" and he looked back at me and said "out - side"  sounded more like "OU - SIGH"  ADORABLE and AMAZING!

I really am amazed.

oh - and this is a pic of jack when I asked him to help me put away the groceries..... these are the straws!

Surgery went great!

We are home... they are all asleep.  Sometimes I feel so accomplished, grateful, satisfied... not sure the word... when the day is over - all 3 boys are safely in bed and the day has turned out good.  :)  Kyle did great today!  One of our dear friends and one of our favorite babysitter's too spent the night to watch the boys this am and Nonna came down to go with us!  and our aunt and one of our cousins had come to sit with us and even brought donuts!!  We left at 5:30 am and kyle thought that was the best thing ever.  Being drug out of bed in the dark to play with mom AND go Bye Bye!  what could be better!  he was in the best mood - didn't even think about the fact that he could not eat!  ...... until we hit traffic and he caught a glimpse of the diaper bag... it started to get ugly - but luckily he was distracted with my iphone and the rest of the morning went well.  long story but we have gotten to know the CEO of the CMHH and he knew kyle was having surgery so he was there this am to greet kyle and introduce us to all the amazing operating room directors - everyone was great.  We met with the team of surgeons and nurses and anesthesia team - ALL AMAZING!  they took him back about 9 am and he was done by 11 am.

Just as the waives of nerves and nausea were setting in for me - in walked some of our friends we met during kyle's stay in the NICU.  This couple had a 23 weeker in the NICU as well - I speak of them often in my blog - their son's name is Matthew.  He passed away in December of 07.  I couldn't believe they were there!  and they brought cup cakes - darn amazing cupcakes too!  so we were well fed and honestly - sounds strange to say - but we had the best conversation.  They spent the whole 2 hours keeping my mind busy - I am so grateful for that!  grateful when I think about how hard it is for me to be in that building, the Hermann tower, that elevator - how much more they must hurt and still put aside their hurt to be there for us....

I learn so stinking much every day lately.   So many of kyle's nurses, NNPs, and docs came to see him and us today.  Let me stress and say or shout or jump up and down... I LOVE this hospital and their staff.  they truly are a hand picked team of amazing, gifted, loving and brilliant people!  I am overwhelmed so frequently of how much people have done for us and our family.  how much people love and give and how that changes and affects - every time.  like scripture says - truth.  Love doesn't fail.

Before I knew it the 2 hours had gone by and kyle was great!

now let's define great... :)  I was soooo relieved when the surgeon came out and said how great it went!  I was so glad to have the hurdle behind us!  It felt like a finish line to me!  a finish line of Kyle's acute medical preemie-ness.  if that makes any sense.

of course kyle will still be followed by high risk and neurology but for the right now stuff we are looking at - this was it!  we are free to focus on therapy and life!!

so anyway - back to kyle being great - so I was releived but the look on that sweet little buddy's face when I got to him was a drunken... "HELP ME!" he was sooo sad.  he just sank into my arms and went right to sleep.  He is still (at 9:23 pm) VERY groggy - he has taken bottles and some cheerios - he has given some half grins when you tickle his little hand but other than that he is asleep or really groggy and fussy.  He screams when he has to tee tee!  all mom's of boys who have gotten circumcisions remember that!  and he is pretty fussy when he is awake - but right now he is asleep!  and healthy!  recovering!  and well!

I am so grateful for everyone praying!  please keep asking God to help him recover quickly.

I came home to another one with vomiting and headache!  and the other one with a fingernail falling off from a door slamming injury!   sounds like a house of 3 boys huh?

off to be early - I think the emotionally being worn out is catching up to the regular mom  physical worn out!  but I couldn't be happier!

kyle transferring funds on the iphone just before surgery! j/k.

kyle after surgery.  so sweet.

Prayers please - Surgery Next Week!

No need to panic - this is planned!  Kyle will be having his hernia repair next week! March the 4th.  I can honestly say that i feel like he is ready.  When I start to think of the ventilator side of it I can go from normal to panic in about 1 second flat - so those are the moments I stop pray over him.  really and truly - and then I pray over me - my emotions and thoughts.   

The Hermann tower at Memorial Hermann Hospital is still what gets me - I think it is going up those elevators - so many times confident that total devastation is what I would find at the top.  A strong nausea and great anxiousness overwhelms me every time I board one of those elevators.  Kyle's surgery is on the 2nd floor of that tower.  So even though I know he is ready - I am a bit worried about my mental and emotional state that day.  Good news is that we should be in and out before you know it.  We will leave our house at 4:15 am!  and should be home by 3 in the afternoon?! ish - somewhere around there!  and so soon after this kyle is off of isolation!!!!  

We are so close to freedom I can smell it -  

so the pics and videos are coming soon - i am still trying to move in!!!  sad, I know.  but I will get there.

Just wanted to post to ask anyone reading to pray for kyle.  I write this not even knowing how in the world all this works anymore.  In fact it is kind of humorous to me that i actually really thought I did know at one time.  hmmmm.... funny thought.   Anyway - I still - with little understanding of who God truly is and how he truly works - I still ask you to go to him on Kyle's behalf.  I desperately want him to come through this with flying colors!

One year Corrected...

There are so many things in my life that seem to me to be unbelievable.  like....

the fact that I am finally blogging again ( I know it took forever)  hahaha :)

5 months after hurricane IKE we are back in our home!!!

2 days ago was kyle's 1 year corrected birthday

2 days ago was also 1 year from the day we brought him home from the hospital

and most unbelievable of all - Kyle has officially passed his sleep study and is off of oxygen, and has been recommended to come off all monitors (apnea and pulse ox!)  I'm a hair nervous about letting go of those!

It just seems hard to believe but it really is true - 15 months ago all hell broke lose...  figuratively speaking (I think).  and hear i am - over a year later - looking around, sometimes surveying the damage but mostly grateful.  For so long I never thought I could get here.  I can not say honestly yet that I am grateful for all that has happened.  But I am grateful for who I am now - for how I am changing.  For the lives that have been threaded into mine - for those I am so grateful.

each day brings me closer to realizing that I don't have to wait for some milestone to be living my dream but that this is my dream.  :)

I am so enjoying every day in our new house with 3 VERY rowdy little boys!  pics soon - and i learned how to fix my videos - i'll up load some soon - these kids are FUUUUNNNNNYYYY!