Kyle's NICU Story in Pictures

Sunday, June 8, 2008

If I had a formula for prayer -

WOW!  how would you finish that sentence. We have been talking in our home bible study about prayer and studying it too.  It has been good - very thought provoking.  These thoughts have really played into my processing through the last  8 months of my life.  I would finish this sentence by saying - WOW - oh the changes I could make.  Oh the wonderful things I would do.  Oh healing I would see.  the only common denominator in all those is that they have a lot to do with me.  That leads me to the only constant I am seeing in prayer - God.  All this trouble I have processing is not over "my current" situation.  I tend to put LOTS of thought into the principle behind everything.  so I want to know why kyle lived, why our sweet friend did not, why did kyle have a such a brain bleed when that was the first thing I was covering in prayer?  all of these answers mean that the formula I had worked out for prayer was wrong.  So my idea is to abandon prayer until I can get it figured out and then go back to it - I do realize, probably not a great idea.  To me this does not mean my faith has been shaken really it just is my deep desire to understand and be effective in what I do.  (again - that word "I"!)  anyway - I was expressing all this to a friend. I would like to share her email to me - I do want to preface this though - by saying that kyle lived b/c he had a chosen purpose to live - my friend's little boy lived for 18 days b/c he had a chosen purpose to.  My other new friend who's son lived for 26 days... it was b/c he had a chose purpose.  I am saying this so many times b/c I am trying to let it sink in.  I have another new friend - all be it a web friend - who lost her daughter after only hours of life - then this past week, her nephew died from sids.  she typed on her blog that in the moment she looked into his casket she had to answer the Lord.  Do I believe or do I not.  I want with everything to say I do and I do.  but I want so badly to at least understand.  although I think I know we are not intended to.  So until we understand or until our faith is strong enough to be okay not understanding we can cling to this truth.  My friend is sharing what the Lord has shown her about kyle.  but the scripture is truth - truth for all of us.  whos children are here and whos angels are in heaven.  This is the same friend who shared with me the psalm the lord gave her over kyle - where the "lion" came from.
Here are the thoughts - Father, would you cover these readers eyes and understanding in truth, peace, understanding and encouragement.
Israel began with an old man and a barren old lady... and became a great and mighty nation.  
the nation of Israel was a tiny nation in comparison to the rest of the nations of the world and it was central to lots of countries (in the middle like an island with countries on all sides)
the idea was that God chose this little insignificant country with it's little insignificant people to show his power.  He established Israel as His, made a covenant with her and blessed her among the people of the world.  
so here is Israel with the fattest calves, the fertile land, the women barring children (that was a BIG deal), every one had all that they needed... and around them were countries that were fighting for every drop of water and every seed of grain.  
This is where my translation of the stories of these folks come in:

even in Israel's defiance and rebellion, God did not stop providing for her- his promises to her did not change, and his intention on fulfilling them never wavered.  BUT, because of their defiance, rebellion, and selfish desires those promises took longer to be fulfilled... but back to why there blessed-
the idea of placing blessed people in the middle of "forgotten" people was this... if I was living in a country outside of yours and my cattle were starving and passing through i saw that yours weren't my first question would be, "who do you pray too?" because remember Israel was surrounded with PAGAN countries.  but they were PRAYING countries... they prayed to the "god of the harvest, of rain, of cows, of grain... and whoever else they could think of"  they new there was SOMETHING beyond themselves... they prayed to everyone hoping they would eventually find the RIGHT one.  (these gods had names and very specific rituals... so they new that SOMETHING was required) back to our fat calves... so i see that yours isn't starving and  you tell me that you pray to YAWEH - the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob??  i ask who this God is and you tell me this is the God who has chosen your people, he will redeem the world and send one who will set all men free... i say "what?" so, then i go home and tell my family that YAWEH is the God who HEARS and answers prayers...  your blessing results in my pursuit of the same blessing, your prayers answered send me to the feet of YAWEH.  does that mean that He will answer every one of my prayers as he has yours?  no.  so why should you tell me about YAWEH if i will be disappointed in him at some point?  that isn't up to us.  It is only up to us to share the hope that is ours- and leave the individual to the pursuit of their own answered prayers.  We are chosen and blessed, and we are among the hurting- so they will naturally ask us "why?" or "how?" that is when our testimony becomes the testimony of Israel...  That we pray to "the God who sees and hears us when we cannot speak" (a song of mine... dude they are never ending!!)

God choosing and saving Kyle:  every human being is connected- regardless of where we live or what we do for a living we all have basic needs and understandings that connect us all.  i think the "civilized" countries of this world have forgotten this because it is so easy to meet this fundamental needs without relying an anyone else- so they live without being forced to listen to the deepest need within them- something other than themselves... when we are placed in circumstances that we cannon control we often turn to things that we would have never considered or entertained before.  authentic desperation can stir even the most self reliant to lift his eyes or bend his knees.  authentic desperation also destroys pretense and false reality.  every thing you have tried before is no longer good enough and like a mad man you race in search of what "REALLY WORKS" - you look for it any and everywhere.  
When kyle was born there was little hope.  there you were as Israel among desperate starving people who were trying everything to be heard by ANYone.  The word of the Lord was prophesied over your son, visions were received and proclaimed and you chose hope.  (even when at times it felt like  your son was in the DOCTORS hands- deep down, you knew it was up to YAWEH) there was no hope from the doctors and you watched children perish before your eyes - even as you prayed for them as you did your own son, they died- but your son kept growing, kept amazing doctors, and all who laid eyes on him... God saved Kyle as a testimony to HIS power, and as an instrument of HIS Glory... whether you were ready for it or not.   It was not up to you to make sure that God answered the prayers of others- but to testify of His answer to yours.  obviously we are all on our own journey's with YAWEH.  each of us has to deal with our own desperation- God doesn't change because he chooses not to do as i pray-  as i listen more closely and walk more intimately with God is recognize that sometimes what God is telling me will happen, or how i am actually led to pray doesn't sound so pretty corporately (what if God was really leading us to beg for salvation, peace, or comfort for those families as they dealt with the loss of their children... what if children were born so that parents could see you pray and believe for your son? what if pain and suffering has to happen for people to be truly desperate? who are we to say that God can't use death as he does life?) - God chose your sweet son from the beginning, so that you would testify of your answered prayers- and lead people to the feet of hope.  Kyle is a little Israel. He is blessed among the children.  The hope that you share will be sought after by moms and dads all over.  There journey may just begin with your testimony of Kyle's life...  with your testimony of life among the desperate and dying...  

Israel began with an old man and a barren old lady... and became a great and mighty nation.  


Sarah Shalley said...

AMAZING- I love how raw and honest you are. Don't let prayer slip too far away as that is our means of communicating to our MIGHTY GOD...however formal or informal. God hears evry whisper from your lips.

Shauna is of MAGNIFICENT character and has blessed my life. I love that she is such a great friend and always has what you need when you need it.


Anonymous said...

I like this. Before my sons were born a friend sent me to a site of a Canadian couple w/ 24 wk twins. I read it religiously and my heart went out to them. When Gavin & Mason were born I looked to their story w/ such hope b/c they were born in worse health, at an earlier, gestation, etc... It gave me hope in a place were there is little. Not long after Gavin passed one of their boys took a turn for the worse and died... my heart went out to them, but I will tell you that their son's life had a purpose fulfilled in the days he was alive: he gave me hope and comfort when I needed it. I think as moms with difficult circumstances in our lives we help our children fulfill some of their purpose by sharing - and not with the rose colored glasses. Thanks for sharing your story and that letter!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Kelly.

I, too, went through a time when I just could not pray. It wasn't that I didn't believe, but I just didn't understand. The pain was too great to find the words. Now that I look back I see that that time was spent on my Father's lap wrapped in his loving arms like a small girl nestled in the arms of her hero...her daddy.

Every tear, every cry God knows and the cries of our heart He hears even when the words just won't come.


Click below to go to my Personal March of Dimes Page

Our Story

This story begins with 5 people. John, Kelly, Jadon, Jack, and Kyle (he is only 23 weeks old... and he is still safely tucked away in his mommy's belly) In an hour's time Kyle made his way into the world. 1 pound, 3 ounces- 11 and a half inches long. This family will never be the same. This child is a warrior. He has the spirit of a Lion, and more courage than a whole pride. He is fierce, and fearless- and he is teaching us to fear the Lord- and to believe that God is in our midst and healing even now. Join us as pray, as we praise, and as we journey through this life as lovers of God and all His glory.

Kyle is in the March of Dimes Promo!