i realized last night .... the questions was posed - how do you see God. one said - I bet you see him as a healer - b/c of what he has done in your life.
you would think so wouldn't you. I stewed on that really puzzled at why that was not my thought 18 months after my child who they said would not live - lived. and he is not just living - it is abundant. he is LIVING. so I thought who is he - and my reaction to my thought was. (I hate to even type it, but it is true). he is a betrayer. He has betrayed me. WHAT? WHY? HOW COULD I THINK THAT?
still stuck in my formula didn't work. somewhere along the way - I figured God out. No really - I did. (that's a joke) but I thought I had. my formula for fixing people, things, gaining blessing, living happy. Just rules for life. being a good wife, good mom, good friend, good godly person.
for some reason God decided to unveil this dirty horrific broken hurting desperate world to my eyes - all through a group of little babies and their hurt grieving wandering desperate parents. and i was one of them.
how did this happen. and how did I end up stuck with no formula - no God and so focus on this world and all the pain i had been missing - excuse me - ignoring - for 33 years.
some one suggested last night that yes - I may feeling like i am shouting my hopes up to the sky - no matter where I am shouting them - without God ... there is not even a hope of them being heard. then I realized maybe the big deal is not defining exactly who god is before I can trust him - maybe the big deal is that with out him there is no hope. none.
it is like my focus is just off. maybe the point is not how it all comes out but that he is there. he is there through all of it. he is with us. he promises not to leave us. maybe this is the point.
I am living in a shock that people hurt -all over, everywhere there are people bearing hurt that I could never fathom or live through. how will they live, how will they breathe, how will it all be okay? it is an overwhelming question to my heart.
Hope. could that be the answer? b/c he is there we have hope?
- John and Kelly
- This story begins with 5 people. John, Kelly, Jadon, Jack, and Kyle (he is only 23 weeks old... and he is still safely tucked away in his mommy's belly) In an hour's time Kyle made his way into the world. 1 pound, 3 ounces- 11 and a half inches long. This family will never be the same. This child is a warrior. He has the spirit of a Lion, and more courage than a whole pride. He is fierce, and fearless- and he is teaching us to fear the Lord- and to believe that God is in our midst and healing even now. Join us as pray, as we praise, and as we journey through this life as lovers of God and all His glory.