My heart is heavy tonight. I am constantly finding myself yielding over and over to the fact that God is big. God is right. God is good. God has this in control. God loves Kyle. God knows Kyle and knew him before time. I have his image burned into my mind and when I see him I think of Psalm 139. Skillfully wrought. Wonderfully made.
Kyle, much like his older brothers, are absolutely amazing. I am humbled to know God trusted me to be their dad.
I am hurting for my friends tonight, whom I really don’t know that well. We met them over the course of the week and always check on each other’s kids, and pray for each other.
Tonight around 10, they lost their little girl.
I don’t know how to reconcile that, or even wrap my head around it.
All I could do is sit and try not to stare while I tried to find words to say.
I just sat with them for a few minutes,… all I could get out was, “I am so so sorry.” He just looked at me and told me he hoped the best for my little boy. He was thought of me in his time of need. I so hurt for that family.
I honestly can’t believe we are here. It is like time stopped at 10:01 Monday, and I can’t seem to figure out which end is up. I remember waking up on Tuesday, hoping it was all a bad dream, literally, but being reminded that this is very real by the hospital bracelet still on my arm.
I finished the night with Kyle, praying, begging God for him. I am trying to deeply dig into that well of faith, but in moments like tonight, it is very hard to keep trusting. I do know God is bigger. I do believe that.
These are some of the things I thought on the long ride home.
I called into his new primary night nurse tonight to check on Kyle.
All of his numbers are looking ok, and she said he looked like he was resting, and asleep. I so hope he is resting well and growing, and healing.
They just started the medicine to help close the PDA valve in his heart.
I pray that God uses this medicine to close it quickly with no side affects.
This could be a good thing, a good bridge to cross in helping his development. Pray that God will hear us from heaven. Ask the holy Spirit of God to wonderfully generate those organs into powerful little machines that do everything they were meant to do… maybe early,… but right on time to prepare this little guy for the adventures God has for him.
Kyle belongs to the Lord. I trust that God wants to use him beyond these days to do a powerful work in the Holy Spirit to spread His glory to the ends of the earth. I pray that and believe that for Jadon and Jack, and I trust that for Kyle as well.
Please don’t let life get in the way of remembering Kyle.
On the drive home, I thought long and hard about how the world keeps on
spinning and people move on and go and live and be and do, and… I can't fault them for that.
But truthfully,… I feel like our world literally stopped last Monday at 10:01.
It is like finding yourself at the bottom of a very dark ocean swimming as hard as you can for a breath of air…
looking for the surface… this is how I feel everyday… and from what the doctors and nurses tell me, it is unlikely that the surface will be visible for a while.
- John and Kelly
- This story begins with 5 people. John, Kelly, Jadon, Jack, and Kyle (he is only 23 weeks old... and he is still safely tucked away in his mommy's belly) In an hour's time Kyle made his way into the world. 1 pound, 3 ounces- 11 and a half inches long. This family will never be the same. This child is a warrior. He has the spirit of a Lion, and more courage than a whole pride. He is fierce, and fearless- and he is teaching us to fear the Lord- and to believe that God is in our midst and healing even now. Join us as pray, as we praise, and as we journey through this life as lovers of God and all His glory.