My heart is heavy tonight. I am constantly finding myself yielding over and over to the fact that God is big. God is right. God is good. God has this in control. God loves Kyle. God knows Kyle and knew him before time. I have his image burned into my mind and when I see him I think of Psalm 139. Skillfully wrought. Wonderfully made.
Kyle, much like his older brothers, are absolutely amazing. I am humbled to know God trusted me to be their dad.
I am hurting for my friends tonight, whom I really don’t know that well. We met them over the course of the week and always check on each other’s kids, and pray for each other.
Tonight around 10, they lost their little girl.
I don’t know how to reconcile that, or even wrap my head around it.
All I could do is sit and try not to stare while I tried to find words to say.
I just sat with them for a few minutes,… all I could get out was, “I am so so sorry.” He just looked at me and told me he hoped the best for my little boy. He was thought of me in his time of need. I so hurt for that family.
I honestly can’t believe we are here. It is like time stopped at 10:01 Monday, and I can’t seem to figure out which end is up. I remember waking up on Tuesday, hoping it was all a bad dream, literally, but being reminded that this is very real by the hospital bracelet still on my arm.
I finished the night with Kyle, praying, begging God for him. I am trying to deeply dig into that well of faith, but in moments like tonight, it is very hard to keep trusting. I do know God is bigger. I do believe that.
These are some of the things I thought on the long ride home.
I called into his new primary night nurse tonight to check on Kyle.
All of his numbers are looking ok, and she said he looked like he was resting, and asleep. I so hope he is resting well and growing, and healing.
They just started the medicine to help close the PDA valve in his heart.
I pray that God uses this medicine to close it quickly with no side affects.
This could be a good thing, a good bridge to cross in helping his development. Pray that God will hear us from heaven. Ask the holy Spirit of God to wonderfully generate those organs into powerful little machines that do everything they were meant to do… maybe early,… but right on time to prepare this little guy for the adventures God has for him.
Kyle belongs to the Lord. I trust that God wants to use him beyond these days to do a powerful work in the Holy Spirit to spread His glory to the ends of the earth. I pray that and believe that for Jadon and Jack, and I trust that for Kyle as well.
Please don’t let life get in the way of remembering Kyle.
On the drive home, I thought long and hard about how the world keeps on
spinning and people move on and go and live and be and do, and… I can't fault them for that.
But truthfully,… I feel like our world literally stopped last Monday at 10:01.
It is like finding yourself at the bottom of a very dark ocean swimming as hard as you can for a breath of air…
looking for the surface… this is how I feel everyday… and from what the doctors and nurses tell me, it is unlikely that the surface will be visible for a while.
Please pray.
Kyle's NICU Story in Pictures
10 comments:
John,
Please know that there are hundreds of people all over Texas and beyond that are praying for Kyle. Our Savior and Lord is going to win this one!! I am praying the Lord will give you strength as you go through this tough time in your life.
"...And pray for one another that you (Kyle) may be healed. The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man (daddy, mommy, friends, grandparents, and big brothers) availeth much." James 5:16
John and Kelly,
Know that we are praying daily for you guys and for God's miraculous healing for Little Kyle. Everytime I wake up in the night, I ask God to touch Kyle wherever he needs it most in that moment. Thank you for the updates.
In the grip of His Grace...
Mark and JeanAnn Wiggins
God gave a very special person a song that I have been singing for you guys all day today...
"I will trust, I will obey, I will follow where you lead come what may..."
Thank you for that song John... I am praying that Isaiah 41 for you guys... that "God will uphold you in His righteous right hand" and that you will trust Him where He leads... you are being prayed for daily in the parker house...
we love you guys!
We love you guys so much - and fear not - the Lord isn't letting any of us move on with life and forget you. You guys are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. You are in my prayers all day long. Everytime I see grace or hear worship music, everything applies to you guys.
We are your burden bearers - and we will bear whatever we can. You have invested in us and loved us - and now is our time to invest in you and love you guys.
I have shared your story and your site with many people up here in big D who don't know you - and they all send me emails asking "How's kyle today?" - they all feel the burden to pray and intercede on your behalf. The Lord is calling all of us closer to Himself through this... and I hope that is comfort to you.
We love you, friend, and pray that peace would guard your heart and mind. This is going to be a long road - but I know that everyday you will be given the strength to endure - for we serve the God who's mercies are new EVERY morning.
Jen
I know it's been a couple of years since I've seen your family, but you all have left such an imprint on my life. I love your family and your ministry, and I am on my knees in prayer for you all. You're right - sometimes life spins out of control and it is hard to remember others around you with our own busyness creeping in. I know your world has stopped right now, and I want you to know that we aren't too busy to stop with you to pray. I know the Lord is mighty. Isaiah 40:28-31 is my life passage and I am praying that God will give you and and particularly Kyle strength and increase your power. Keep hoping in Him - God desires to renew your strength so that you will soar on wings like an eagle. Verse 28 is my particular favorite. Even when we forgot to pray or are too tired, the Lord isn't!! "Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." May you rest in these promises today. Love you guys!!
In the shadow of His wings,
Kendra Kufeldt
John,
People are praying everywhere. I was visiting Woodsedge Montgomery today. I happened to be in the 1st-4th grade room when they were taking prayer requests (which is always dicey at this age!) One little boy raised his hand and said, "Please pray for baby Kyle to grow bigger and stronger."
Even on facebook, there are 530!! people in the group, "Committed to pray for Kyle."
Every second that my mind is idle (which is often) I am praying . . . when at a red light, or washing clothes, or bathing children, or cooking dinner, or standing looking through my closet, I am drawn to pray for Kyle. I am here for the long haul. I won't move on. I'm praying for you along with THOUSANDS of others around the WORLD!
John,
Please know that we are praying! JD gave us all of the "Kyle" details this morning... you know how he is with his details! Everyone at FBC Madisonville received bright green prayer cards for Kyle! There were green cards everywhere! Your little guy is amazing! We think of you and your family 24/7 around here! Just wanted you to know! God is going to do BIG things through Kyle! Hang is there!
Love, Carrie Rose
May these words encourage you...
As I sat in church this morning, my mind kept going back to your beautiful family. We sang I Need Thee Every Hour and thought of how we are in desperate need of God everyday and how He is right there... in moments of joy and pain. How God has been there with your family in this hard time in the joy when Kyle grows and things get better and in the harder times when he just needs to grow faster.
I read Acts 12:5... different circumstance, but God's people in both this situation and in Peter's were in need of deliverance from a desperate situation... the prayers of God's people were heard... my heart and prayers go out to the Sherill family and I am encouraged at looking at God's amazing works... our hope truly is only in Him... He has and will continue to work in and through Kyle and the whole family... what a blessed time it has been to see the body of Christ joining together to lift up a miracle baby... thank you Jesus for the gift of community and the power of your Name...
When we first started our unexpected journey with M, we seemed to meet people at every turn that wanted to tell us about this person who had special needs or their cousin's nephew's wife's half-sister's daughter who broke her foot when she was three, so we should call them. People were trying to connect us to others who had experienced challenging things, but it was the last thing we wanted to do. We desperately wanted people to pray for us and her and to never forget God's miraculous power, but the thought of relating to other families in a similar situation was completely and utterly overwhelming (though we're thankful for the family you were able to connect with)...we just weren't there yet. As you said, our world had stopped - and yes, it will feel that way for a long time.
We say this because we relate to what you are experiencing on a very deep, personal level. Almost everything you shared in this post about your feelings, we have experienced and continue to experience. So, all of that to say, we grieve with you and cry with you because we understand; and, we pray earnestly for God's AMAZING power to envelop your minds and hearts and that same power would work miraculously in Kyle's body, continuing to form his heart and lungs and kidneys and every other part of his little body. John, J asked me to tell you to call anytime to cry, vent, be silent, whatever, and that he will take off work and meet you wherever and whenever if you want to talk with another dad who understands (the same for you, Kelly, from KT). Even though we haven't seen you in a while, you are dear to our hearts and we cry out to God on your behalf, especially during those times when you just don't have any words. Joined in the journey.....
Jason & Katie
Don't count the footprints in the sand - your needs are not forgotten and Kyle is contantly on our minds, in our hearts and frequent prayers. Love to all.
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