Kyle's NICU Story in Pictures

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Monday Night - Kelly

a recap. Saturday I felt like a real mom again.  Kyle was good that morning!  He is so bright eyed at different times during the day now.  He will just look all around and if someone walks up and starts talking (if he feels like it) he will look over their way!  too cute!  He also will make sucking noises if you put the paci up to his lips - that is the cutest!  We had a good time, his nurse that day (Valerie) is really fun to be there with. laid back but really good!  so we just played - I held him the whole 4 hours I was there and while I pumped john held him.  OH and john had to run an errand for me this day that really made my day... you will need back story.... 

so I love breast feeding.... if you know me you know how MUCH sarcasm is in that statement.  and now in addition to having to pump (milk me) every 2 hours so as to increase my milk supply. ... wait... why do I need to increase my milk supply?  b/c the lactation consultant either didn't believe me or couldn't figure out why I kept hurting.  for 10 WEEKS I told her it HURTS!  if felt like "they" were being ripped off!  and I did not make much milk.  Well - she didn't have anythoughts but sent us to this store (or sent john really) and the lady there said "oh... try this." and she was right.  just needed a different "cone".  I know i said I am writing like this is my journal but I am very conscious right now of my FATHER reading this.  Hahahaha. sorry Dad!  and Keith.  anyway - so it worked the other cones were great!  but after being engorged for 10 WEEKS my milk supply had gone down.  so the lady said you have to pump every 2 hours!  I GASPED!  so every tow hours I spend 30 minutes with pumping for 20 and set up and tear down and washing for 10.  seriously 5 hours in a 24 hour period.  every two hours and once in a twenty four hour period I get a 4 hour stretch.  

why would any mom with a healthy baby do this?  ahhhh.  10... 9... 8... 7... ... i am waiting for someone form the la leche league be at my front door.  just kidding.

anyway - so now that I am pumping every 2 hours (did i mention I am not a fan of this - but kyle needs it so here we are!)  the other night I look down and my milk is all red.  the skin around my nipples had torn and was bleeding!  so the next a.m. I call the breast feeding store.  I call her my breast therapist - i think she is a lactation consultant and she tells me I have to keep pumping or I will dry up!  I get that but does anyone hear me when I say "skin is ripped and I am bleeding!"  I shouldn't poke fun - these ladies are AMAZING and are really helping me - but back to why my saturday was so good - so I have to send john to the story to buy some cream she told me i needed.  so john goes to their store that day and has to ask for a product called Mother Love Nipple Cream!  FOR REAL!  Had to walk in and ask for that - and the lady looks at him with understanding on her face and says "are you sore?"  HA!  that is too funny to picture!  so john will all the confidence in the world brought me my nipple cream which is actually working and so here i sit at 4:10 a.m. milking myself yet again.

oh - on to my good day - I came home and played with the boys at 4 pm and we had the best time - from baking cookies to having a neighbor friend over and playing outside.  bath time and dinner together - bed time stories and even had time to myself to pay bills and balance a bank statement.  it was a good remembrance of what days might be like again soon.  i can't wait for that fast paced life with kyle home and in his little papoose and then before I know it on to that back yard that is waiting for him!  Lord please heal his lungs - would you let him breathe easy tonight. would you be his breath! please give him strength and help his body draw nutrition and calories out of his food!  Lord I really want this step forward for kyle.

he looked great today.  he was up to 40% oxygen when we left though and he was working a bit.  by midnight he had gotten down to 35%.  his nurse said (AMY is amazing - amazing nurse, mom, wife.  she does it all and does it all with excellence it seems - i only see the nursing side and hear about the fam - but she is truly talented when it comes to NICU level 3 nursing.  very detailed, meticulous even.  very 1st born personality - ) she said that he is working a bit and she would just watch him and give him some time.  She is great!

it kind of stinks b/c I like being at the hospital when our favorite nurses are there but at the same time when they are there is the only time I feel comfortable enough being home with the boys or running errands or whatever.  ah - running errands a sure sign that life is returning to normal.  I also did tons of laundry this weekend and kept up with the dishes and picking up the house.  sunday was a bit harder.  i was edgy, tired, emotional and all with the boys right there in full view of their crazy mom.  We talked a bit that day about how grown ups can have bad days too.  

Monday - kyle is needing to "fly" as they say on nasal cannula.  I know I should just be thrilled that he is NOT on the vent anymore.  I just really want to keep moving forward.  there are 2 babies in our pod that are really sick.  how can I worry about nasal cannula - but I do - I want the best for my son and quickly - I feel like the end is in sight - if we can just get home.  I just want to keep moving forward.  life in the NICU is getting harder.  harder on me - kyle is getting better and life is getting easier.  i guess that is part of being a mom.  and for kyle, jadon, jack and john I am willing.  bring it on.

after this is over though I want to move far far away and board my little family up in a house where we have all we need and never have to come out.  we have each other and that is safe to me.  all this vulnerability is not what it is cracked up to be.  I really and truly just want to crawl inside myself and not even half to peak out at all that is around me.  and this is what a mom with hope feels like.  what about the other parents?  ah - how bad they must hurt.

and I have really been contemplating God and why I am so struggling when it comes to my thoughts of him.  I spend a ton of time alone these days and so my thoughts often turn to how jacked up my faith seems right now.  but it has been weird b/c I don't feel like I don't believe God - I just feel like I don't know if I believe what we all think we know about God.  i am not satisfied with who I thought God was.  

After these last 3 months of my life I need to experience MORE than I have not in order to believe in God but in order to be Satisfied in God.  So that is my prayer for now.

and I really need to go to bed - milking session just ended.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I pray today that the Lord will make Himself very clear to you Kelly.

It's easy for those of us "on the outside" to see Him working. I am very glad that Kyle is doing good.

Still praying, still believing, and still expecting continued healing and praising God for what He is doing.

Candy Humber

Anonymous said...

Just one more thought Kelly....

John going in to a store asking for Mother Love Nipple Cream??

...tell me God isn't real and doesn't have a sense of humor...... LOL

Candy Humber

Jay said...

Kelly,

Wow, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall with John buying nipple cream. Too funny!

As I was praying the other night I had Watermark playing and their song "Arise and Be Comforted" became my prayer for you guys--

Arise and be comforted
For the Lord, He is good to the weary
And even the young heart can tire and fall
But He knows them all
For the Lord, He will renew their strength
And they will soar on wings as eagles
And they will run and never grow weary
They will walk and not grow faint
For the Lord, He is good
Lift your eyes to the heavens
For the creator is living in you
Come surrender as you are

And know that you’ll never stray too far
Let His power within you heal your heart
Lift your eyes to spacious skies
Let Him chart your way to flight
Spread your wings and fly
For the Lord, He is good

I pray that as you run you would truly soar and that as you walk you will not tire. May He heal the pieces of your heart that break as you fight with your son. And may He bring you to that spacious place where you can fly together--all 5 of you.

Keep holding on. We are rejoicing with you in God's goodness and praying for you through the high and low.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and may His face shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace--

Janice

Tammy said...

WOW! Your comment, "I just feel like I don't know if I believe what we all think we know about God. i am not satisfied with who I thought God was", reminded me of what I read in my quiet time this morning in Job 42. He says in verse six, "I admit I once lived by rumors of you, now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears...I'll never again live on the crusts of hearsay or crumbs of rumor." Sounds to me like God is using this "valley" in your life to drive you into a deeper dependance and culitivate and deeper hunger for Him. Not at all wanting to sound "preachy", but I do want to encourage you to see it as such a wonderful thing. Not the stuggles with Kyle, but the desire to "see God more" and not just settle for what we are all told He is!
Anyway, it just sounded like what God showed me in my life this morning and I just had to share this verse with you. I follow you blog and am praying for your sweet family! Can't wait to read that post where you are all home... and maybe going on a quiet vacation together!!!!

Anonymous said...

I loooove you Kelly! Awesome that you can still see the humor in the things going on around you despite the fact that your world is upside down right now.
I am so excited to hear about Kyle and how much progress he is making. He has come so far and touched countless lives in the process.

We are hoping to stop in for a visit soon. The family has been sick with all the crude going around so we havent wanted to expose ya'll, but maybe next week Norm and I can stop by for a visit and some prayer time together.

Rest in His tender loving arms.
Much love, Adriane Hunter

The Kramer Family said...

Wow Kelly! I'm in awe and amazement that you are continuing this breastfeeding/pumping thing. That is so encouraging.

My first daughter was a preemie and I had to syringe feed her my milk for 3 weeks before she ever latched on. But, breast milk really is the best thing for preemies. I clung to that truth too! That is the only way I got through it. I successfully nursed her until she was one, but it was long road in the beginning.

After I had so many problems, I went on the become a certified breastfeeding counselor. And believe me when I tell you this, that you are incredible for sticking with it this long. Most women would have given up at this point.

Not that you need my approval, but WOW!

I read every post and continue to remember precious Kyle and going to the Father on his behalf. Thanks for allowing us to peak inside your heart and Kyle's journey and witness the power of the Lord. That is true community.

Love,
Lynsey Kramer

Anonymous said...

you're hilarious!!!!

love you - b

Emily said...

I can totally feel you on the nipple pain. You had me cracking up. Boy am I glad those days are over. 17mos of that dang pump and it's history! I swear I don't think I can ever look at a breast pump again in my life.

Lynn in Huntsville said...

Kelly - Even though I've never met you... I can tell that you rock. I love your heart and the way you share your feelings.. the good and bad with each of us. I love your humor. The milking stories have me rolling. We will continue praying...

Anonymous said...

Isn't it amazing how laughter can change ones heart. I am having a good giggle seeing John's face and maybe hearing a "SAY WHAT". I guess it is better than foot cream -- right John.

Paula Seale

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOODNESS kyle is PRECIOUS with his canula!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it! what an answered prayer

Heidi said...

Did they mention fenugreek to increase your milk supply? My lactation consultant suggested it. When pumping for Bennett my supply went down and taking that brought it up very quickly, within a few days, so I could space the pumping out to every 4 hours again. Also, when I had the cracking/bleeding it was because of thrush - treating that made it bearable again.

Random thoughts from an empathetic former pumping preemie mom. :)

Heidi, mom to
Bennett, 23 weeker

sarah bible said...

You don't need me to tell you that you are a stinkin' rock star for all the pumping! For three months, I pumped every two hours just when I was at work (so 4 times a day usually) and it was hard! Now I think that's nothing in comparison! You are awesome!

I really appreciate your comments about who you (and we) think God is. It makes me think and learn through your journey. I know it's not easy to find the time and energy and vulnerability to post on this blog, but know that not only will people learn and be blessed by it in the future, but we are learning and being blessed by it now. (how's that for a run-on sentence!)

Anonymous said...

Kelly, the post about John going to the store. ROFL. I'm going to send this to my sister-in-law. My nephew is a hungry little booger. I posted pics of him on Facebook. I would have loved to be the 'fly on the wall too'. Love, Charlotte Efird

Anonymous said...

I understand. I have been exactly where you are. I think you are doing a great job handling all of this. Your brain AND your faith will wrap around what you experience at some point. And your milk WILL cooperate! I've been THERE too - all part of the extended NICU stay package! Those cones make a HUGE difference... but so does stress & sleep! :o)

Click below to go to my Personal March of Dimes Page

Our Story

This story begins with 5 people. John, Kelly, Jadon, Jack, and Kyle (he is only 23 weeks old... and he is still safely tucked away in his mommy's belly) In an hour's time Kyle made his way into the world. 1 pound, 3 ounces- 11 and a half inches long. This family will never be the same. This child is a warrior. He has the spirit of a Lion, and more courage than a whole pride. He is fierce, and fearless- and he is teaching us to fear the Lord- and to believe that God is in our midst and healing even now. Join us as pray, as we praise, and as we journey through this life as lovers of God and all His glory.

Kyle is in the March of Dimes Promo!