Kyle's NICU Story in Pictures

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

It's been too long!



I can't believe I haven't posted since Feb 25th.  I really can't believe how fast that has gone by!  I used to get so frustrated when I was following a mom's blog and she didn't post for a while.  I felt desperate to know what was going on - I really was wanting to glean info from them and transfer it to kyle.  selfish I know.  anyway.....
well - kyle is 7lb 12 oz now!  WOW!  we went to the high risk doc - not so much impressed.  in fact of all the appointments the ONLY one that has been informative.... my pediatrician - not some high risk person that was appointed to me by a hospital but my pediatrician that cares for my other kids!  He is amazing.  Dr. Tony John!  He did his residency at Hermann Children's among other places - anyway - he knew all I was talking about with kyle - he had info for me to watch for and guidelines for Kyle's growth, he asked several questions and gave us some goals to move towards.  The others - well the cardiologist - I knew more than he did.  I'm sure he is a great doc but he wanted to know why we were there - he was not planning on doing a test that we were there for.  He only had part of kyle's discharge summary and so he had all his info about his heart wrong!  and then said he would do the test if we "wanted him to" then he said he would call with the results and never did so when I called in to get them faxed to me - his notes were wrong - his info about kyle had been written down wrong.
then we went to the high risk clinic.  they didn't say much either - thought I would get lots of questions answered here - I was really excited about it.  the nurse didn't know how to put on a pulse ox.  WOW.  the docs were cool but again - no news!
anyway - kyle is doing good!  maybe that is why there is no news!  He is growing and figuring out days and nights, thank goodness - not there yet but on our way!
one of the attending physicians from Hermann has been great and has been providing me with some info regarding kyle.  We have a physical therapist we will be going to when RSV season is over.  This woman owns a clinic, used to work in NICU, and is trained in neuro-developmental therapy.  and has tons of experience with preemies.  she is a perfect match for us right now.
we are also trying to get into see a world renown pediatric neurologist that is paired with BCM and TCU.  hopefully that will work out.
in the mean time - we play and read and sleep and eat!  He is facinated by jadon and jack - I have posted pics below.
as far as me - my thoughts... I think alot.  too much probably. not really worry, but think.  I wonder how and why God has chosen to do things the way he has.  I'm sure other parents wonder the same.
I was thinking last night about how I will never be the same again.  I notice my neighbors, pregnant, seems to not have a care in the world.  not every imagining that anything could be wrong in life.  When I notice this I get so jealous.  Or the mom at jadon's school that had her baby when i should have had kyle.  I see her and feel so much regret for that day I went into labor.  but i realize I will never be that person again.  I will never think of a preemie and think it is cute.  I will never drive past a hospital and not think of the people inside and how they must feel.  I will never assume God will do what I want him to do.  I will never, I pray I will never, forget the pain of others.
BUT I WANT TO so bad go back to before all this happened, back to the kelly that I was before - before I was changed.   I wonder what is different - what is different about me - I will never be the same.  and then I realize that what is gone is flesh - what is missing from me now that I want back ... it is flesh... security in life, health, flesh.  THAT is why it was all so painful - God is stripping away flesh.
john has a song - he wrote - that asks God to do this until all that remains is what He has reclaimed.   It is so different living ministry rather than doing ministry.
I included some pics!  enjoy - they are getting so  big!  

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our history is what brings us to where we are, our faith is what makes the journey bearable. God didn't put eyes in the back of our heads for a reason.

Bye the way Kyle is a cute little toot.

Anonymous said...

Wow Kelly! We have been watching Kyle through all of this and it has been an amazing journey. Not only to watch Kyle grow and change and see the miracles God has done but to watch you and John's faith. You have an amazing family and I am so proud for you that Kyle is home with those sweet big brothers! Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. We will continue to pray with you and watch Kyle grow.

God Bless You and Yours,
Danny,Karen,Cole& Hadley Wilkereson
Madisonville, TX

Anonymous said...

Kelly, Kyle is so ADORABLE! (Your last post (before this one) was on my birthday, so kinda figured it was a birthday gift.) I agree TOTALLY with the person who posted the comment about our history; and I love the comment about not having eyes in the backs of our heads. So TRUE! The Father is indeed stripping away everything that doesn't look like Jesus in you. He is the Master Sculptor and will change us into what HE wants us to look like whether we like it or not So many times, it just doesn't "look" like what we expect, and I think the surprises are the things that are so hard to handle. You are doing amazing things - just by letting God have his way. Hang in there!
Gail

Anonymous said...

OMG those are some cute boys girl! Kyle looks so much like his brothers when they were babies!
You will LOVE Dr. John - he is my girls doctor. He is wonderful!!!!!!
Bailey has already told him she is going to marry him.
You are normal with all the feelings. My pg w/ Kylie was a miracle. I tried for 2 years w/ the help of fertility treatments and couldn't get pg. I had such crazy feelings against other people who were pg and had no cares. No one can understand that unless they have been there. I mean it is supposed to be easy - you get married, you get pg and have a healthy baby. I couldn't understand why it wasn't happening for me. Why did I have a messed up uterus. I was finally blessed w/ her after I was told I couldn't have children. God always is working in mysterious ways. You are never the same after anything like that and unfortunately most people will never get it.
They never seem to realize how lucky they are.
I just had to keep telling myself that it isn't there fault they had it easy and it wasn't my fault I couldn't get pg. It was just the way it was.
Keep your head up!
Stef

Anonymous said...

I think reading your post has made me more sensitive to what others have gone through. Of course, I am one of those women who can't get pregnant, too old for fertility treatments and married "old!" I want to know WHY ME? I loved your statement how you will never drive by a hospital without wondering about the people there. I have been reading Kyle's blog for quite some time now - he is adorable and looks very alert especially looking at his brothers! He is truly a miracle and you get to be blessed by being his Mommy!

Tracey said...

"THAT is why it was all so painful - God is stripping away flesh." Wow! I have been in church since I was 9 years old... accepted Christ as my Savior at 10 years old, but I have never (that I recall) heard it put quite that way. When troubles come my way, I have always known that God is in control and there was a reason for my suffering. To physically have your flesh stripped from you... I can only imagine the pain that would cause. Sometimes what we go through in life seems that painful. Thank you Kelly for that insight. My pain truly is for the glory of Jesus because He is making me more like Him!

Except for size, Kyle does not look like a newborn, almost three weeks old. Kyle has been made aware of the surroundings outside his mother's womb for much longer and looks to be so much more alert than I recall a newborn being. Kyle has that same spark in his eyes that I see in Jadon. Kelly and John you have a beautiful family!

Much love and prayers,
Tracey Hutcherson

Tabaitha Kaye said...

all of your boys are beautiful. i know you are supposed to say handsome for boys, but when i saw the picture of all three, tears came to my eyes and all i could think about was how beautiful each of them are.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kyle's cheeks! They're getting chubby!! SOO CUTE!!!

jason said...

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Jay said...

So precious! It is wonderful to hear from you again. :0) It is a beautiful thing to have our flesh stripped away, but I guess the process can be quite ugly. We are still praying for you guys!

Anonymous said...

What an incredibly amazing journey you have been through. I know I have said it before, but I am going to say it again.... thanks for sharing with ... everyone! It's been a blessing to me to be able to pray for you and with you. The photos are INCREDIBLE!!!! I can't wait to share them. Still praying for you all.

Candy Humber

Adam & Andrew said...

I can relate SO much to your words in this post about being changed and thoughts on God, etc. By the way, Kyle looks AWESOME and all your boys are too adorable!

King Family said...

Kelly,

I just love you and can't wait to come see Kyle at home with you and the whole family. Hopefully very soon! I relate to that part about wanting your old Kelly back. Not that I have been through this, but I have felt that feeling. When you can't quite put your finger on what you are missing and then you realize you miss the non-brokenness. How you felt secure and almost naive to other things. I don't think all of that is bad. Yes, God has stripped away your flesh in so many ways and made you sensitive to things you could never have been sensitive to before. But although you will always feel dependent on God, your life won't always have a cloudy covering over it, the way it has since October. So much of that cloud has had traces of fear and depression, which aren't from God. Thankfully the parts of you that have been broken will be built up now. Have you read "Hinds feet on High Places"? You just remind me of the character "Much Afraid" and the transformation she undergoes as she is slowly broken. If you haven't read it, you should in your "spare time" ha! I just wanted to encourage you and remind you I love you. How's the Amby?

Anonymous said...

I don't even "know you" and yet I know exactly how you feel from my own micro-preemie experience. We won't ever be those innocent people again.... but that's ok. It's our path.. The jealousy of others' pregnancies and the longing to be the old us is normal. Don't waste on a minute on guilt over it!

rmdela said...

Kelly,
What a journey...I have been keeping up with how Kyle and you guys are doing and you are all such an inspiriation to me. I have even shared Kyle's story with my class at Sagemont that I was teaching (a woman's bible study class). Anyway, I left a comment a while back about some baby twin girls that were born in Feb. Thier names were Faith and Vanna. They are the reason I found Kyle..as I was trying to give their mom hope with Kyle's story. They went to be with the LORD about a month ago. I just wanted to thank little Kyle for bringing enough hope to those precious girl's mom to name them and to take the risk of loving them before they went home to be with Jesus. God teaches us so much through the blank canvas's of the innocence of these precious one's. Like you said in one of your blogs, we really know very little about how to glorify Him. He can be glorified through whoever He chooses and some of those little lives will accomplish more in truly living for Christ, even if thier time is short, than we can do in a lifetime. I will never forget them or Kyle. The LORD sent me a song after the girls passed away that I would like to share with you. I wasn't sure about sending it, but I told Celinda ( a cousin of yours) about it and she said that I should so here it is below. It is weird because I have never written a song before and don't even know how to write music. God is so wild..I am just crazy about Him.
Here it is...thank you Kelly for allowing us to see His Light shine so brightly through your vessel.

Vanna and Faith’s Song

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying His voice and holding fast to Him, for He is your Life and the length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.”
Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Found out today,
Not sure how to feel
Scared and confused,
Not ready to deal

Got too much right now,
Can’t carry it all
If I add more,
I am sure to fall

Can’t bear to hang on
Can’t bear to let go
One things for sure
This much I know…

I’m choosing Life
So that others may Live
Have so little time
And so much to give
I’m choosing Life
So that others may know
How Christ uses us all
To help each one grow
I’m choosing Life

Christ show me The Way
Can’t make it alone
Will they know I am mom?
Can I make them a home?

So many bills to pay
Too much to prepare
So much to learn
Does anyone care?

Can’t bear to hang on
Can’t bear to let go
One things for sure
This much I know…

I’m choosing Life
So that others may Live
Have so little time
And so much to give
I’m choosing Life
So that others may know
How Christ uses us all
To help each one grow
I’m choosing Life

They came today
Too soon to tell
If they’ll ever play dolls
Or wear a wedding veil

Am too numb to know
Don’t want to see
What the future might hold
For them and for me

Can’t bear to hang on
Can’t bear to let go
One things for sure
This much I know…

I’m choosing Life
So that others may Live
Have so little time
And so much to give
I’m choosing Life
So that others may know
How Christ uses us all
To help each one grow
I’m choosing Life

Just want it to pass
Too hard to hold on
What if I love them,
And then they are gone?

Just a few minutes more,
Can’t say goodbye
The only bath they’ve had
Came from the tears that I cry

How could someone so small,
Hurt me so much
LORD, where are You now?
I need Your touch

Can’t bear to hang on
Can’t bear to let go
One things for sure
This much I know…

I’m choosing Life
So that others may Live
Have so little time
And so much to give
I’m choosing Life
So that others may know
How Christ uses us all
To help each one grow
I’m choosing Life

Too small, too soon..
Can’t bear the pain
Will there ever be sunshine
In my heart of rain?

LORD, Come hold me tight
Till the world falls away
Only in You..
Can I face another day


Can’t bear to hang on
Don’t want to let go
Nothing seems sure
LORD help me to know…

LORD, help me choose Life
So that others may Live
They had so little time
And so much to give
LORD help me choose Life
So that others may know
How You use us all
To help each one grow
LORD help me choose Life

May you always choose life and know that The LORD IS LIFE.
“But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have LIFE in His name.” John 20:31

In “His” Name,
Rhonda de la Moriniere

Click below to go to my Personal March of Dimes Page

Our Story

This story begins with 5 people. John, Kelly, Jadon, Jack, and Kyle (he is only 23 weeks old... and he is still safely tucked away in his mommy's belly) In an hour's time Kyle made his way into the world. 1 pound, 3 ounces- 11 and a half inches long. This family will never be the same. This child is a warrior. He has the spirit of a Lion, and more courage than a whole pride. He is fierce, and fearless- and he is teaching us to fear the Lord- and to believe that God is in our midst and healing even now. Join us as pray, as we praise, and as we journey through this life as lovers of God and all His glory.

Kyle is in the March of Dimes Promo!