tough night!

Kyle is having a rough time tonight.  all of the sudden he woke up at about 9:40 pm tonight crying.  I mean really crying and kyle really doesn't do this much.  actually he doesn't do THIS at all.  He cried almost non stop until about midnight.  finally he has worn himself out and is mostly asleep - he wakes up ever 3 minutes or so and whimpers or cries and then falls back to sleep.  You know I used to worry enough about my other two boys and now.... WOW... 

I don't get why my peace is so fleeting.  Today I felt so good - I had kyle at his doc appointment all by myself, this was after taking the other 2 to the doc just before kyle (that is another story for later!)  I was dressed, rested, had my son in a stroller and was out at the doc.  even drove by myself with him!  I was talking to john earlier telling him I just knew kyle was going to be okay.  Resting in the visions God has given to me for my boys.  Then we get to tonight.  kyle cries non stop.  My reaction - to need to reduce his inguinal (sp?) hernia, to check his soft spot.  one of the signs the his intestines are caught - screaming - they said it would hurt, then you let them know if it turns black!  "NO, REALLY!"  so I am worried - I don't want to wait till it turns black!  what if his screaming isn't gas - what if it is that.  Then I decide to check his soft spot and that is not so soft. well he is screaming - it probably shouldn't be soft when he is screaming.  but just monday we were at the high risk clinic.  You remember the one that didn't say much... well they did say when we were checking his head size that if we saw a change in how he has been since he came home.  ie) very fussy, and vomiting.  well, last night he vomited for the first time.  and tonight... fussy.  but he vomited after eating way more than he had before and then 2 hours later took another bottle (b/c he threw up the other one).  and today, he could be fussy from gas.

see what I mean about the fleeting peace.  and by the way if anyone wants to comment that i need to relax.  hmmmmm.... just leave your email address with that comment :) haha.

anyway  - again, it is like one minute I am coasting along, enjoying life.  then next - panic grips me.  I keep reminding myself - the faith of a mustard seed.  even when all the faith I can muster is surrounded by doubt - it is still enough for HIM.  

Please pray for Kyle tonight  - continue praying for him.  Please ask God with us to continue healing him.  to heal him completely in his mind, restore his brain, muscles, and lungs to perfection.  Please pray for good eating and wisdom for his pedi surg doctors as they prepare to correct his hernia.  Please pray for his lungs to strengthen so we can come off oxygen soon.  and for support still underneath our arms.  John described it like this the other night - that our friends who have helped us so much - it has felt like at times they just grab us under our arms and start to carry.  prayerfully, physically, emotionally.  This is all of you by the way - thank you.

some pics from today and yesterday - 

Don't they look alike?  Jadon is so proud that everyone says this!

This picture actually reminds me of jadon too - I have one of jadon after he was first born.  His cheeks and eyes were so big you really didn't notice anything else about him.  This pic reminds me of that!
Jadon took this pic of me and jack after lunch yesterday.  I love it!  Jadon is becoming quite the photographer.  Loves the camera!

Kyle is fussing again - off to hold and bounce and hold and bounce and hold and bounce!