All the babies in our pod seem to be holding it together. it sounds so morbid to say but it seems like the cycle is changing. It's true, the nurses say the deaths and discharges come in waves. you will have a while where so many of the babies die and then you will have season where so many babies go home. I can't describe how it makes you feel when everyday it seems someone doesn't make it. We have some really sick babies in our pod but for now - they are hanging in there. Even our little friend with no name & no visitors... he has a name now and saw his mom this weekend! He even has balloons on his bed! and best of all - a nurse signed up to be his primary! so he is getting loved on now!
so today, even though the nannies have had to go back to "real life", Carol was taking the boys to incredible pizza. she was carrying jack in the front door and tripped on a rug that was outside the front door and in an effort to save jack she fell on her arm and broke it!!!! I can't imagine how bad that hurt! so someone called an ambulance and Carol called john to say come get the boys. so john thought and told me that they boys were at incredible pizza with Mario (they guy who works there) and Carol had been taken off in an ambulance. so he is driving 90 miles an hour to get there! So I began to talk with God - WHAT! one kid is in the NICU and the other two are with alone with a stranger in a strange place and john can't get there fast enough. John talked to Jadon on a cell phone and jack was screaming in the back ground. Jadon (in his words) was trying to be brave but cried a little.
I really didn't know at this point what God wanted from me - I felt like I was in yet another helpless moment with my kids! and even thought I am in a funky place right now spiritually - the first thing I did was go to my knees and begin to beg God. i am hoping that is b/c of the truth that is inside me. evidence of it as it reaches the surface. there is a watermark song that says "even when I'm sturdy - I pray you'll keep my knees dirty." ha! maybe that is the problem. I have been coasting along in my own life so sturdy for so long that I just thought my knees were dirty. I just thought my life was dependent on God. I just thought I was desperate for God to restore me, my family, my friends, my community. and now that I am living it - guess I wasn't so desperate, I'm willing to say now that I wasn't even needy. so if I am approaching God not needing and not desperate - hmmmmm. but I still have a hard time with the idea that this is happening to kyle to teach me? that just doesn't seem right - but I dont know maybe it is about everyone at the same time? the whole part of that song is this....
"I have been chosen to be driven to humility. to be holy refined in your holy blaze of fire. and even when I'm sturdy I pray you'll keep my knees dirty and may the heart of your will be my only hearts desire! that last part is what i want to understand. how can i be restored to where the heart of God's will is my only desire. and as i sift through the vast emotions and thoughts of the past 3 months how do I even know what the heart of His will is? no. no i don't.
So I was scared and begging God to keep my kids safe. I knew Carol will do as much and whatever she could to keep them safe. But not knowing how bad she was hurt I had no idea what was going on. Sure enough john arrived to Carol not letting the ambulance leave with her until john got there - now that is love! and Mario (the incredible pizza guy) had given jadon and jack game cards and they were living it up! all was well. Jadon wanted to make sure ms. carol was not going to die and once he was sure of that and got some mcdonalds to eat the world was okay again. He did ask several times about her and wants to "get her a gift or something" he says. He also said she will have to have a cast and that will make her look funny but he is not going to tell her that b/c "ladies like to hear they look beautiful". what a kid!
I believe carol has a spiral fracture - that hurts me to type. The ER set the fracture, put her in a temp cast and sling - gave some pain meds and sent her home. The will give the swelling a few days to go down and then she will see an orthopedic. i feel so bad for her. I can't imagine how not only painful but frustrating it all is.
(and from those of you that were wondering - the hokey pokey was not involved.)